Powerless Freak
by A.P. Read
Summary: Castiel has lost his divine powers and has a breakdown. Unable to cope he runs away and Dean finds him to make things better. But Castiel is just sharing why he left. Oh this is slash dont like it dont read it.
1. Powerless Freak

I don't own anything really I don't just my imagination but the characters are that of Supernatural and not mine.

A black Impala drove through the field toward an abandoned church. The only light shining through the windows was from candlelight. It was clear that it was still pretty empty; there were no shadows against the walls. Dean Winchester had sweat on his brow, as he looked how much further he had before reaching the church. The shorthaired man sucked his lips in, his green eyes revealed anxiety, hopelessness, and rapid thinking. He stopped suddenly as his car just hit the steps of the small church. He rushed out the car to stand in front of the large oak doors. With as much force as he could muster Dean kicked the doors, causing the doors to fling open.

"CASTIEL! WHERE ARE YOU?" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Two crystal blue eyes looked back at him. They squinted as the light from the Impala's headlights blinded them. The eyes belonged to a handsome man with dark brown hair. He had a 5o'clock shadow and luscious lips, dressed in a suit and trench coat.

"Dean..Dean, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here. I can't do anything anymore." Castiel the earth bound angel said; his whisper was hoarse.

"Cas, I don't care what you do for me. I need you." Dean ran down the isle passing by the empty pews. He took the angel in to his arms. He didn't struggle against him, but allowed Dean to hold him. His eyes traveled upward and downward looking at nothing as he processed the moment. Then he spoke.

"Dean, please let go." Dean pulled back a little.

"I don't understand why you left? Was I not enough?"

"No, Dean I wasn't enough. Not now, before I was." Castiel said unable to look at the other man's face.

"Castiel, I don't care if you have powers or not, I love you for you."

"I AM NOTHING WITHOUT MY POWERS! I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER YOU! I CAN'T PROTECT YOU! I CAN'T FIX THINGS FOR YOU! WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!" Castiel screamed falling to his knees as tears poured into a river on his face. Dean sat down on the floor to be level with the crying angel. He had stopped crying, trying to be stronger for the other man. He didn't say anything it was inappropriate to; he only stroked the dark hair.

"Your only a man now Cas, it's going to take some time for you to adjust." Dean whispered into the fallen angels ear.

"I'm not a man. I'm not an angel. I am some sort of freak of nature. I had the powers of life at my tips. I saw wondrous and beautiful things. I heard the voice of divine creation in my ears. How can you love a freak like me? A disgusting contortion of an-" The fallen angel was cut off from his speech, as Dean had sealed his lips with his mouth. This time the angel didn't fight back or pull away. This time he allowed the invasion of personal intimacy. Dean held Castiel's face in both hands and looked into his eyes.

"I am going to take care of you. Don't ever cry without me. I'm the one that loves you." With that he and Castiel got up and walked to the Impala. Castiel was extremely weak, never had experiencing such a flux of emotion drained his energy.

The tiles of the large bathroom reflected the candles that surrounded the large bathtub. The tub was filled with hot steaming water, and clothes lay strewn across the floor. Castiel rested his head on his arms resting on the edge of the tub. He hadn't said a word or made a sound as Dean washed his back. He knew that Dean wanted to ask him about the scars on his back. But he would wait till Dean felt it was appropriate to do so. Castiel winced a little when Dean ran his hands over the scars left by his once angelic wings.

"Do you want me to stop?" Dean asked, not wanting to hurt the angel anymore.

"No, no the scars will heal better if they are cleaned." Castiel said taking a breath in.

He then let out a small moan, surprised and pleased at the sudden feeling of Dean's passionate lips running down his back. Castiel closed his eyes blissfully falling asleep to Dean's kisses.

Errr end of chapter 1- Author Notes: I was feeling darker please review.


	2. Kicked When Your Down

I'm sorry things took so long to for me to update. Things haven't been well, anyways here is chapter two. Please read and review. I don't own Supernatural or anything.

Castiel woke up the next morning staring at the ceiling. In the few times he slept and the different places he slept it all seemed the same vision. All the hotels and motels they had stayed in were all different, but to the angel it all seemed the same. Maybe the omnipresence vision of his had spoiled the world for him. But now everyday seemed like a refreshment of purgatory. He rolled to his side to see Dean sleeping on his stomach. The thought that someone was there to take care of him, and someone to pick up the pieces, made his heart beat with hope. He rolled over to brush a loose hair from Dean's face. He stirred a little and woke up looking at the fallen ange's face.

"Morning." Castiel said smiling

"Hey, Cas how you feeling."

"Better, and much better now that your awake." Castiel said leaning in for a kiss. However he did not expect Dean's reaction. Stopping him from leaning over was Dean's hand pressed against him.

"Cas, listen we need to talk."

"I don't understand Dean. I thought you said you loved me." Castiel said with the sheets wrapped around his body. Dean sat at the far end of the room at the coffee table. He was rubbing his eyes trying to brush up an answer.

"Cas, I have feelings for you. I mean last night was great, and I mean I wanted to make you feel better. I love you, but I am not sure of that way."

"But, I don't understand. You said those words I love you."

"Castiel, listen maybe this will be something later, but not right now. Isn't it enough that you know I have some feelings for you?" Castiel bit the bottom of his lip trying to come up with an answer. He massaged the part of his lip that he was biting on with his tongue. He swallowed trying to muster the words.

"Yeah. That's going to be fine. That will be just fine." He laughed forcing a smile, but inside he was crying. He kept screaming inside his head "Why would Dean make me feel so good and then take it all away?"

The morning whether was not welcoming, as was the events of today. Castiel took the back seat and looked out the window. Dean and Sam were talking in the front seat about some other hunt. He sat silently not saying a word. They drove to Bobby's place for a rest before going on.

"So you ain't holy no more?" Bobby said to Castiel as they sat around the plastic kitchen table.

"Errmm, I was never holy, I just no longer have any power. So if you're asking if I have divine power s anymore. Then the answer would be no." he said poking a potato.

"Yeah, Bobby do you mind if we leave Cas here for a while?" All eyes shifted on Dean.

"Err,Sure as long as Cas don't mind." Before Cas could reply Dean replied for him.

"Well, Cas is human now and we just can't use him until he's use to being human. I mean Cas your smart, but you're also really inexperienced at being soft and smooshy." He patted the fallen angel on the back.

"Yes, Dean I think I will stay here for a while. Until I become accustomed to things." Castiel said taking a bite of the flavorless potato.

After the rest of the house fell asleep the Castiel raided the stockpiles of magical supplies kept around the house. He took a Polaroid of himself, some graveyard dirt, and some other ingredients and buried them at a crossroad near the house.

"I never thought I'd see the day when an angel would call a demon." Crowley said.

"I am a fallen angel. I didn't call you here to talk either." Castiel said being firm.

"Well, well, see that being human hasn't made your ego smaller."

"Listen Crossroads demon I want to make a deal."

"I'm listening. This could be a great prize." The demon said putting his fingers together in intrigue.

"Make me an angel again. Give me back what I was before. I can pay the price."

"You're kidding me? I mean I can't I don't think I can do that." Crowley seemed surprised at the request.

"Can you or can you not Demon?" Castiel asked again.

"No, I can't do it. Even if I could I wouldn't. I'd never get what I want in the deal. Angels don't die easily or at all." Crowley said walking away from the angel. He waited for a smart reply from the mortal bound angel. But nothing happened, turning around he found Castiel on the floor knees to his face crying.

"Shhhh, hey you don't have to get upset. We don't all get what we want." Crowley said trying to comfort the crying man.

"Please. Please. There has to be something you can do." Grabbing on to Crowley waist. For a moment Crowley forgot he was a fierce demon, the tears blurred Castiel's crystal eyes. He got upset finally that Crowley slapped him across the face.

"Damn it! You use to be a higher being get some dignity."

"I'm sorry. I just I miss what I use to be." Castiel said from his position on the floor.

"Listen you'll find your place. Just don't worry. No more crying okay? I can't stand the crying." Crowley placed a kiss on top of the angel's head. He scooped up the man in his arms and carried him back to the house.

Crowley placed him in the bed and vanished. He rolled around the bed for what seemed like forever. Dean did not want him around. Crowley could not fix him or bring back what he lost. After the Winchesters left Castiel went through all the books that Bobby collected. He did not really talk to Bobby, and for the most part Bobby did not bother him. Dean use to call frequently, but those to faded. One night while studying a book he found an answer to his problem. For the first time Castiel felt that he was close to a solution.

So end of chapter two. What did you think please review. Also as a personal note someone please send me vibes for a job.=p


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